On Tuesday, I talked about why it's important for a man to make his wife his first priority. It's one thing to say it, but something completely different to walk it out. And I don't flatter myself to think that I'm any kind of expert - my wife will tell you I still put my "husband" pants on one leg at a time - but pulling from seven years of experience (on Monday), there are a few things that I've found that actually work that I'd love to share with you.
Continue to pursue your wife - Those of you who know our story, know that I relentlessly pursued my wife during our dating relationship. Many of us guys are good at that, and have worked tirelessly to make sure that she knew how amazing she is and how we would move heaven and earth to make her ours. But then, and I'm sure you've read stories like this, for some reason we have this mentality that this stops once we get married. And then once we have kids, life gets even more hectic, making the effort required to plan time away even more difficult. Make the effort anyway. Your wife (regardless of what she might say) needs the time away, and the two of you need the time to reconnect to continue to work on making your marriage strong.
Choose her over them every time - Whether they mean to or not, your kids will try to divide you to get different answers. If they succeed, they undermine your relationship with your wife, which is never a good thing. When my wife and I do disagree on parenting strategies or discipline methods, we continue to show a united front to our children and then talk about it later. Our kids need to know that their parents are a team, and nothing they can do will change that.
Solve conflict in front of them - Wait, didn't I just talk about how important it is to show a united front and now I'm talking about fighting in front of them? I don't mean have a knock-down, drag out fight at the dinner table a la "American Beauty", but, again for the sake of modeling, good conflict resolution is important is show to your kids. Don't feel like you have to excuse yourself from the room every time you want to have a different opinion, but show them healthy discussion and conflict, and that will show them that fair fighting does exist, and can, in fact, play a crucial role in a couple's relationship.
Tell (and show!) her how much you love her in front of them - I remember when I was growing up, seeing my dad kiss my mom, flirt with her, or even say, "I love you," made me want to cringe. But I also remember never doubting that my parents loved each other, which gave me an amazing sense of security about their relationship. It'll gross your kids out when you're affectionate, but don't let that stop you from being obvious with your wife about how much you love her.
What are your thoughts on these? What else would you add?
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