The Life of a Stay at Home Dad, Part 2

“So what do you do?” The all too common question concerning one’s profession. “I stay at home with my son.” My answer (and me for that matter) was dismissed with what could be described as a look of pity. Apparently, according to this guy, what I do each day is quite lame and not worth discussing. Exaggeration? Maybe. But his look surely wasn’t one of approval.

The Mr. Mom gig wasn’t planned. And considering my great disdain for emptying the dishwasher and folding laundry, I never really pictured myself in this position. Truth be told, all that kind of stuff isn’t exclusively my responsibility. My wife and I are the sharing type. But being home all day results in doing certain things more often than you’d like. No, I became a stay at home dad out of necessity. After losing my job and going back to school I was already the one at home when my wife gave birth to our son, Eoin (that’s Owen for all you non Irish). So naturally, it made sense. It’s a hard job, harder than I expected. But better as well.

Any mom or dad knows parenting is a battle of wills, requiring much patience and even a child’s perspective. My pride is repeatedly squished as I realize over and over again that I can’t yet reason with my 1 year old Tasmanian angel. You find yourself thinking he should understand all of what you’re saying, especially in those meltdown moments. I know he doesn’t yet get it but still I find the need to tell him to “calm down” countless times a day, foolishly expecting him to comply. Instead he gets crazier…throwing, banging, dancing, running, laughing in a tornado of activity that usually results in a giddy father son wrestling match on the floor. The problem is forgotten and I’m lost in the joy of playing with my boy, even if he continues to think eye-gouging is legal.

If he can’t understand my pleas for him to chill, he certainly knows how to communicate his needs and doing so almost always reminds me of the immediate importance of attention he requires. Not attention for food or those pesky dirty diapers but simply the need to be paid attention to. I’m the king of distracting myself. I’ve probably done it a hundred times while writing this and I do it with my son as well. Sometimes those meltdowns are because he wants me to read him a book, chase him around, or just sit with him and revel in the strangeness and coolness that is Yo Gabba Gabba. He just wants me there. And I don’t want to be anywhere else (most of the time).

I actually pity the guy who asked me that all too common question. I find it sad many have a narrow view of what fatherhood is or can be. Sure, being in this position makes you reevaluate your identity because it’s still not all that common of a place to be. But when I do ultimately return to the professional world I will miss Eoin and probably some of that craziness too. In numerous ways, he and I are the best of buddies. I never thought a little guy of 16 months could be that for me. Being around him so much during his brief life thus far has been a blessing and an experience many fathers and sons don’t get to have. I like to think both he and I will be better off because of it.

So what are your (if any) preconceived notions about stay at home dads or about being a stay at home dad? And what should I give my kid for lunch today? 


Patrick is a SAHD living in DC. You can connect with him at "paddythatch@yahoo.com" or just look for him doing an Irish jig with Eoin in the parks around our nation's capital.